East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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