i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
