Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
