Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
