my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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