i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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