There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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