Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's like iHOP with fire
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
