His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
