Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
