doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
