yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
