When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
