I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had sex on a roof
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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