Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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