Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
