So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
