tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
whose parrot is this?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
