I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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