I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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