One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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