I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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