The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
