we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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