And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
