I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
