Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
