I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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