we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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