i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
