haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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