lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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