Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
