I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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