can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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