yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
