if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
