yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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