i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
