trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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