Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
