help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
