So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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