yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
