So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
