so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
