We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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