I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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