I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
