pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
