This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
