Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She announced her abortion via fbk
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
