I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
